Upon

Thank you for allowing me to experience immense joy at the prospect of there still being a possibility of me marrying him. I am grateful to you for that, and I am grateful to you for all things else.

I am grateful to you for allowing me my wants, and I am grateful to you for denying me them. For you know, and I don't.

Whether I get married to the love of my life or not, I am still grateful to you for including me among the lovers. Thank you for allowing me to experience your heaven on earth.

Whether I get married to him in this world or not, I am not going to stop doing my best to ascend towards you for in the end, aren't you who I truly seek union w/?

Aren't you my heart's truest desire?

Only a matter of time before this veil of death lifts from between us, and then I'll be w/ those I love. Starting w/ you, my beloved. How can I become despondent in this moment knowing that you await me to join you soon? How can I do that? I can't.

Therefore, despite everything, I choose to trust you fully still. And I choose to forgive myself for doing what I thought were the best things to do in the past week. I forgive myself if they turn out to have not been the best things to do given everything.

I forgive those who hurt me, even though I sometimes do find myself wishing for them (or specifically, their egos) to be destroyed so they don't cause more corruption in this family (and consequently, the world).

I forgive myself, I forgive them and I ask for you to forgive me my wrongdoings. For if not you, who else do I seek ultimate refuge in the forgiveness and love of, hmm?

Who else?