Screwing Self-Doubt & Fear and a Snippet into My Past

“Fear and self-doubt have always been the greatest enemies of human potential” — Brian Tracy

And so, I say screw them and-

Screw everyone (including the part of me) who tells me that I am unwell because I’m genuinely content with myself and everything around me-

I slept for 8 hours tonight because I allowed myself to do so by shifting around my routine a bit.

I’m concluding that I’m neither transitioning into Mania nor am I in it at the moment because sleeping that long in a single day is impossible to do if one is Manic.

I swear something’s really wrong with us if we think something is wrong with someone who is happy (most of the time).

I know, I know-

It’s very hard to believe for some of you who met me right before my Manic episode in 2018 (when I was experiencing crippling anxiety) or even in the past two years post-diagnosis (when I was always either experiencing grief or varying levels of depression) and probably think that I am optimistic and hopeful now because of some change Mania caused in my head, but you know what?

You would really believe me when I say that I’m well if you’d seen me (in 2017) before I found out about the shitty drama happening in my family back home that was triggered by my rejection of a marriage proposal I’d officially gotten (from my a guy who I’d apparently been fixed with since I was a babe) when it was confirmed that I’d be moving to Sydney to pursue my higher education at the start of 2017.

The reason behind them wanting my hand in marriage is an entirely separate topic altogether because I used to be a selfish teenager with no social skills or empathy for others (except maybe my parents and siblings) and I was absolutely not worthy of being committed to for life (especially not romantically).

Anyways, I found out about everything my parents were facing from their own freaking kin because they chose to support me in my dream (which was not just to come to Sydney BTW) at the end of 2017 and that’s when the anxiety started- with physical symptoms.

Regardless, the point I was trying to make was that I was a happy-go-lucky person always. I didn’t express that side of me to everyone, but when I did- people actually complimented my positive energy. And when I started to explain this to my sh*t doctor in Sydney a few days ago-

He dismissed me out of lack of sympathy which goes to prove that a sense of empathy is a must for m anyone going into a Medical Profession (especially clinical) because you people will literally be helping others treat, manage or prevent illnesses that affect every single aspect of their lives.

That’s not a small thing at all-

This was a snippet into my past and I’m more than willing to write all about it in the future, but I gotta prioritize getting stuff done in the present so I can be stable enough in the future to continue writing (which is actually very weird since I seem to write in whatever state (stable or not) I am in).

But yep!

Buh-bye.