The Time I Felt Done W/ Uni Studies

Original Post

“Hi everyone,

If you have not yet done the final exam, you must complete it today (Sydney time).” — Higher-Level Thinker

Umm

Nope! I “must” not do anything I can’t or don’t want to do. What’s up w/ the rigid language, huh?

Follow-up Post (Transformed Into A Cathartic Rant)

How do I share this posts on my story on my laptop browser? I don’t want to open the app on my phone. This is getting on my nerves. Or my nerves could very well just be getting worked up because I want to sleep, oh but this stupid assignment I’ve been putting off since Monday.

*face-palms herself*

I’m noticing both my perfectionism [1] and all-or-none (2). In fact, I’ve been noticing it far too much in the past few days. And the story (expectation)-forming as well. I don’t like it. I don’t like thinking of all the ways my future could turn out to be. I don’t like it because it takes away from the enjoyment I can derive in being alive here and now.

And the future’s unwritten anyway. There’s really no point in trying to imagine/ project/ predict what will happen w/ the details.

Yet, I do it.

I catch myself imagining my future all the time. And I hate it. Regardless, I also forgive myself because I hate what I do (my action) and that should not impact my concept of my self negatively (doer of said action). In other words, it serves us well to separate actions from their doers for we never know what (seen or unseen) harm they may be trying to escape by mentally time-travelling elsewhere.

[1] (in wanting a meagre, tiny assignment to be absolutely perfect (especially ’cause it is a reflective piece))

[2] (I’ve been burnt w/ this bit several times now. I don’t submit incomplete assignments on the day they’re due even if I’ve made substantial progress in them.

Instead, I end up submitting their completed versions (way) past the due date. Sometimes, doing the latter proves to be the wrong choice for I waste marks simply for delaying assignment submission).

“Sometime” may just be this time and I’m speaking in an imaginative manner where my future self will be feeling very stupid for holding on submitting a minor assignment just because she couldn’t overcome her default unhelpful thinking.

Can’t think up an ending to this post. You have a good one ahead and I’ll finish this assignment and then allow myself to fall asleep right here w/ out a care about anything in the world. Okay-bye!!